Love & Asthma

I have the contracted the plague. Literally  the biblical, Egyptian, kill the first born, plague.

Okay, so maybe I’m a little hypochondriac but who doesn’t need a little loving when you’re knee deep in snot covered tissues, wheezing germy bacteria over your cracked, flaking lips and generally smelling like death is knocking at your door.

I’ve had Asthma for as long as I can remember.

The kind of Asthma that means to this day I always carry my inhaler with me.From birth I would need to be hospitalised every so often and every time I got a cold I had a serious attack.

Asthma literally feels like you’re suffocating inside your own body. No matter what you do, you can’t get enough air in, so you panic, and that makes it worse. The panic spikes your heart rate and now, even less air is getting in.Your lips turn blue and your fingers go numb. The world spins and darkens.In  those moments you pray for it to be over.

If this doesn’t sound like the most traumatic experience on earth, I’m doing a poor job of describing it. 810b4288e6ff6a8a88426b716c9e3906

What I remember most about the attacks is how worried my Dad was. He would sit by my bed and listen to my breathing all night. He would bring me orange juice and tomato soup. He would let me lean up next to him and watch TV.

They are my favorite memories shared with my father.

Moments of rare tenderness.

He would wrap me in a blanket and speak softly to me. For a few short days while I was weak and recovering I needed him, and I guess in a way he was recovering too. I can’t imagine what it’s like having a child hooked to a breathing mask turning corpse-like with every passing minute.

I used to love being sick because I knew we would spend time together. Just he and I.

And in those moments I knew for sure he loved me.

Some Dads are really affectionate, and some are sweet, some spoil with time, some with attention. Mine gave us  what we really needed.

No extra.

Some days I wonder. I wonder If I get sick enough, if we’ll go back to that.

But then I remember, I’m an adult with a minor cold being a hypochondriac and I get over it.

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