I’d describe myself as a feminist.
I believe in the equality of gender .That the opportunities and liberties prescribed to men would also be shared by women.
The fight has been and continues to be a worthy one.
As women we are now blessed to be born into an era that has seen women get the vote, to have ladies in positions of power and leading entire countries, women are raising their children and bringing home the bacon. No doubt imbalance still exists but we’re well on our way to the equality we deserve.
With that little disclaimer, there is an issue that has been tormenting me as I return to the predatory waters of singledom.
In our pursuit of justice have we inadvertently killed chivalry?
With women now being the proverbial ‘cash cow’, climbing the corporate ladder two at a time, breastfeeding in public, setting the political agenda and paying the bill at the end of the night, have we backed our men into a corner? Has our confidence spike had an adverse affect on them?
Have we created the ‘Tinder generation’ by simply emasculating our men?
And I get it.
How do you open a door for a woman who can do it herself? She makes more than you, she could buy her own jewelry? Will you offend her if you buy dinner?
A constant game of second guessing. Door A will lead you to her Garden of Eden and Door B will lead you to ultimate shame and a night on the couch with only your hand for company. The catch is, both doors look the same.
Come on ladies, how many times have we rudely declined the pioneer that braves the lines of female human shields and asks to buy our drinks? Or even worse, when he doesn’t even get the chance to say a word because our girls have stepped into battle formation.
I’m not disregarding Tinder’s efficiency. It’s a bit like ordering in, “I’ll have $3 worth of chips with that.”
I have an itch and it needs to be scratched. It works.
Minimal effort for maximum pay off.
But I want the effort. I want the sweet nothings. I want him to pull his jacket over my shoulders and carry my heels when my feet hurt. And I want these things because I was spoiled in my relationship.
But I too killed it.
I killed it by being totally independent, by reminding him how much I didn’t need him and then nagging at him to up his game. I see now I created an environment not conducive to romance, and where he did eventually tickle it, I pointed out how it could have been done better, and often proved it with my own gestures of love.
Do you see the theme here?
There was a time we as women needed to be empowered, we wanted equality, we wanted to be seen as worthy, I guess our men want that too.
He knows you can do it all on your own, but it’s nice to be needed and it’s nice to be acknowledged for thoughtfulness, humor and sincerity.
I’m making a conscious effort to cultivate chivalry and when I see it in its true form, I will unashamedly appreciate every manly moment of it through hooded lids and a cheeky smile.
Chivalry needs a come back.