Wild Girl Liberated

Many people have asked if I’ll be taking time to ‘find myself’. Seems like a strange concept.

Find myself? As though I’ve been lost, misplaced or hidden.

On the contrary. I am being liberated.

I’m giving myself permission to be exactly who I already am.

As the door closes on my old life I’ve started looking out the window at the new. Pondering all  the possibilities and knowing that any direction I take will be up to me.

What I do know is that I suppressed many of my desires to fit the mold of what I thought my partner wanted. As the years passed he was no longer surprised by me.  I wasn’t mysterious or spontaneous. I was predictable because I forgot how to be me.

This liberation is the key to my freedom.

I am awakening that girl. The wild girl within me.Letting her stretch her legs, flick her hair and sharpen her claws. And now I hear her roar.

I hear her voice, stronger than its ever been. She’s screaming at me, begging me to fall in love with the woman I truly am. To enjoy her, to be comfortable with her, to seek out solace so that I may whisper to her. Like reconnecting with an old friend, I know her. But it’s been too long since we last spoke.

I want to drink coffee in cafes and read well into the afternoon. I want to smile at strangers as I walk along the beach. I want to go out for ice cream and run so fast the world is a blur. I want to listen to music, to country,  to rock, to soul. I want to shake my hips and sing at the top of my lungs.

I want to take the weekend and camp in unfamiliar terrain. I want to cook 300 different recipes and have dinner parties with women who stimulate me. I want to lay in a hammock with a sarong draped loosely over my body while the sun kisses my skin and the wind twists through my hair.

I want to go to open mic nights, theatre and poetry. I want to play D’Angelo on piano and sleep under candle light. I want to watch art house films and find constellations in the stars.

I want to wrap myself in moonlight and laughter. I want to walk in my magic.

But mostly I want to hold on to that wild girl and this time, I shall not let go.

The world once told me that I was too outrageous, that I needed to tone down, that my boldness was actually eccentricity. They wanted me, but a blander version.

They wanted the girl next door and so I became her. All the while suffocating that wild girl within.

But I could never be satisfied with a white rice version of life. A plain version of me.

I need the fire and I could very well burn with it. Or I could rise from the ashes spread my wings and ignite.

A word to the wise, this girl is back.

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3 thoughts on “Wild Girl Liberated

  1. Love the fact that you are sharing your truth with us all, beautifully written, and amazingly gutsy. People from all over the world will benefit from your personal growth, thank you :O)

    Liked by 1 person

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