I have a lot of takers in my life.
Relationships structured to benefit the other person. The entire premise of our friendship centered around what I can offer. What kinds of advice I can give, how I can actively stay engaged while listening to yet another story about your poor decision making ability, your broken heart, your stress or just a general conversation about you.
You feel the gist of what I’m laying down?
Dark and unpopular as it may be, I feel the need to expose it. Warts, bush, scabs and all.
I don’t know how it happens. I find myself in situations where I’m very aware I haven’t been asked a single question about myself, not “how am I doing?” “what have I been up to?” not even “How are things going?”
I approach it like a game. I time now long it takes for the conversation to become balanced, a give and a take. Reciprocal. Mutual. Collaborative conversation.
Often it doesn’t.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy being a backbone for the relationships I engage in. I do. I can easily listen for hours, I will invest in you, build you up, support you, bend over backwards to ensure that you feel loved and supported. I just need to be careful of who I give that time to.
Not everybody deserves it.
Since becoming more precious with my time I have opened myself up to a world of queens. Women of quality. Women with drive, determination, creativity. Feisty women, caring women, motherly women. All women with the kinds of traits I want to acquire. And all with one crucial dominating factor, they want a mutual friendship too.
It’s easy to forget your voice when your friend is in crisis. It’s easy to hide your troubles because theirs are worse. It’s easy to get on your knees and give them a boost to their throne, but look where you are. Knee deep in mud with footsteps on your back.
Once we start expecting more from ourselves and being a bit more selective about who we invite to the inner circle our lives start to feel richer. We feel energized by our friendships and not drained by the weight of narcissistic behavior and answering yet another “may day” call.
I rate my loyalty and value as a friend, so being a friend-whore doesn’t sit well with me.
I can’t spread myself thin and give my best to everybody. The reality is that I don’t want to. It’s okay to let go of relationships that no longer serve you. It’s okay to reevaluate where you’re going and who contributes positively to our life, it’s okay to not be friends with everybody, regardless of your history, your relationship, or your status.
Letting go is essential to your happiness.
So, I’ve been cleaning out my closet, throwing out the skeletons, and starting fresh. Now that I’ve done it, I can see the gems that remain.
These are the people I want to invest in, my diamonds.
Find your diamonds and throw out the rocks.