I have found myself in a situation that has now escalated and spiralled out of control.
I was warned that it would.
I was told clearly that I was skipping into quicksand and the rain I danced in was acid.
But the glass bowl felt like crystal. It felt like precious moments. Like prayer, worship and devotion. Like the pieces of the puzzle were starting to fit.
Little did I know, I only had half the picture.
And now, in the aftermath of predicted misery the fingers point and say ‘I told you so. . ‘ and they did.
Living is experience. Good moments and bad ones. They develop you, they build you and they teach you. My consequences are mine. Mine to carry, to own and to accept.
I have a great desire to protect the people I love, and to deter them from making the mistakes I have made a thousand times. My protection instinct is so over developed that I often find myself heavily invested in the decision making processes of my adored.
Truth of the matter is the only life I have power and control over, is my own.
I have been smacked in the face with reality, finally I’m blinking away the pain and seeing clearer than I ever have.
I’m not without my wounds but finally my naivety has abandoned me.
I know now.
Through being on the receiving end of back turned whispers I understand that not everything is as it seems. That you do the best you can with what you have and I can truly say, I’ve done that. We’re all doing it.
All I can do now is pick up, shake it off and run it straight.
The world will decide for themselves if what they’ve heard is true, if I really am everything they’ve said. There is nothing I can or want to do to set the record straight.
I remain me.
And should they ever call to lean upon my shoulder I shall never turn to say ‘I told you so.’